Attended a function which I would not miss for anything - book release of Kothi Kommachchi of Mullapudi Venkataramana at Ravindra Bharathi. It was a great function where the speeches were wonderful, witty, delightful play on literary and conversational Telugu words, in the company of Sita and Nayana - what more could one want! However...............................
All this was eclipsed when at the dinner party later in Varaprasad Reddy's penthouse over his corporate office, Bapu says to me "You are as beautiful as your name!" Oh, to be complimented thus by an artist whose work is a byword for describing beauty! I am in Seventh Heaven! Please nobody and nothing should pull me down from there for some time to come at least!!! And he and Ramana both sign in my copy of the book! I have enough booster rocket power now in me to trudge through life in a dream world! My name, my name - thank you Amma, thank you Naanna!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Legacy of a name
Many have legacies of the names of their grandparents and other ancestors to uphold, some have names that are the total opposite of their personality, yet others have to live with long and/or tongue twister names. I was fortunate - my parents gave me a unique name. Specially in the decade that I was named in the early fifties, it was an extremely rare name and till the eighties, I did not hear of anybody with that name. Even now, it can be termed as an uncommon name. It bestowed on me uniqueness without my having to lift a finger to do so.
I naturally tried to find out what my name meant. My Mother told me that she named me for a poem written by the great Telugu litterateur called Vishwanadha Satyanarayana. The long poem - Kinnerasani Paatalu - is lyrical and is an ode to the river Kinnerasani, a tributary of Godavari. The beautiful poem traced the river's origin, its journey and its final culmination in the bottomless ocean. While I loved the poem and its literary richness, I was however, troubled greatly by the epithet 'Sani' to the name of the river, which means a fallen woman. I was uncomfortable when people did refer to it, oblivious to my feelings - when they would first hear of my name, they would exclaim - 'what a lovely and unique name' and then immediately ruin the whole effect by saying - but Kinnera was Kinnerasani in full and would stop without a full stop. It made me indignant, uncomfortable and angry at times at this insensitivity and almost wished that I wasn't named Kinnera.
I read the story of Kinnerasani many times - wondering about the life and times of this persona. Kinnera was actually a normal housewife, leading a normal humdrum life and would have probably died unsung by anybody but for her family. The turning point in her life comes when she is unable to tolerate her mother in law's torture any more and, upset with the impotence of her husband in front of his mother's domination, she runs away from home. Her husband runs after her. She beseeches him to be firm and change the state of things at home and only then she would return. Her husband expresses his inability to act in the matter and turns to cold stone. Kinnera cries her heart out and in the torrent of her grief, the river Kinnera is born. She then sets out in the world in her new found garb and after a long journey, meets up with the mighty river Godavari, in whose embrace she finds the solace of a mother. Together with the river Godavari, she journeys on and finally loses her identity as she blends into the powerful ocean. Kinnera, since she was a married woman who ran away from home and her husband, and then joined Sagar - the ocean, is thus called a Sani - a fallen woman.
Why then, the other rivers are not called Sani? Because they are virgins and accept one husband and that is the ocean! This may be true of many rivers, but what about the purest and sacred of all rivers - the Ganga? Ganga - the epitome of a Hindu's journey for washing away his/her sins - starts by having Lord Shiva for a husband, then she follows Bhagirath, then on to Jahnu, who keeps her in captivity for a duration and actually starts living a conjugal life with Shantanu, the king of Bharata as his wife - Ganga is not called a Sani - she is revered as the universal mother and the eraser of all sin. Is this acceptance because Ganga is mighty and powerful, unlike the small, meandering Kinnera? Because Ganga is difficult to control and can and has destroyed anything that came in her path? Is there a lesson in these comparative sagas?
In due course of time, I learnt the original meanings of the word Kinnera. My research showed that it is the name of celestial beings who serenade Shiva, known for their music (alongwith another set of celestial beings - the Gandharvas) and that they came to be known as Kinneras by their musical instrument - Kinnera - a version of Veena (sometimes referred to as Kinneri). They eventually formed the tribe of Kinneras and lived in the region of Kinnaur in Himachal Pradesh. In BITS Pilani, where I studied my science, my Dean Dr Shiva Yogi Tiwari was, like many others, intrigued by my name and he went a step further and referred to a Sanskrit dictionary and gave me the etymology of the word Kinnera - kin + nar = is this a human being? This was because Kinneras were half horses and half human beings (a la Pegasus). This added another discomfort to me but I turned it to my advantage by aggressively introducing myself as such. Dean Tiwari also educated me that my name had other meanings - a kind of bird, and a bud. My name, I conclude, is downright intriguing and interesting.
I naturally tried to find out what my name meant. My Mother told me that she named me for a poem written by the great Telugu litterateur called Vishwanadha Satyanarayana. The long poem - Kinnerasani Paatalu - is lyrical and is an ode to the river Kinnerasani, a tributary of Godavari. The beautiful poem traced the river's origin, its journey and its final culmination in the bottomless ocean. While I loved the poem and its literary richness, I was however, troubled greatly by the epithet 'Sani' to the name of the river, which means a fallen woman. I was uncomfortable when people did refer to it, oblivious to my feelings - when they would first hear of my name, they would exclaim - 'what a lovely and unique name' and then immediately ruin the whole effect by saying - but Kinnera was Kinnerasani in full and would stop without a full stop. It made me indignant, uncomfortable and angry at times at this insensitivity and almost wished that I wasn't named Kinnera.
I read the story of Kinnerasani many times - wondering about the life and times of this persona. Kinnera was actually a normal housewife, leading a normal humdrum life and would have probably died unsung by anybody but for her family. The turning point in her life comes when she is unable to tolerate her mother in law's torture any more and, upset with the impotence of her husband in front of his mother's domination, she runs away from home. Her husband runs after her. She beseeches him to be firm and change the state of things at home and only then she would return. Her husband expresses his inability to act in the matter and turns to cold stone. Kinnera cries her heart out and in the torrent of her grief, the river Kinnera is born. She then sets out in the world in her new found garb and after a long journey, meets up with the mighty river Godavari, in whose embrace she finds the solace of a mother. Together with the river Godavari, she journeys on and finally loses her identity as she blends into the powerful ocean. Kinnera, since she was a married woman who ran away from home and her husband, and then joined Sagar - the ocean, is thus called a Sani - a fallen woman.
Why then, the other rivers are not called Sani? Because they are virgins and accept one husband and that is the ocean! This may be true of many rivers, but what about the purest and sacred of all rivers - the Ganga? Ganga - the epitome of a Hindu's journey for washing away his/her sins - starts by having Lord Shiva for a husband, then she follows Bhagirath, then on to Jahnu, who keeps her in captivity for a duration and actually starts living a conjugal life with Shantanu, the king of Bharata as his wife - Ganga is not called a Sani - she is revered as the universal mother and the eraser of all sin. Is this acceptance because Ganga is mighty and powerful, unlike the small, meandering Kinnera? Because Ganga is difficult to control and can and has destroyed anything that came in her path? Is there a lesson in these comparative sagas?
In due course of time, I learnt the original meanings of the word Kinnera. My research showed that it is the name of celestial beings who serenade Shiva, known for their music (alongwith another set of celestial beings - the Gandharvas) and that they came to be known as Kinneras by their musical instrument - Kinnera - a version of Veena (sometimes referred to as Kinneri). They eventually formed the tribe of Kinneras and lived in the region of Kinnaur in Himachal Pradesh. In BITS Pilani, where I studied my science, my Dean Dr Shiva Yogi Tiwari was, like many others, intrigued by my name and he went a step further and referred to a Sanskrit dictionary and gave me the etymology of the word Kinnera - kin + nar = is this a human being? This was because Kinneras were half horses and half human beings (a la Pegasus). This added another discomfort to me but I turned it to my advantage by aggressively introducing myself as such. Dean Tiwari also educated me that my name had other meanings - a kind of bird, and a bud. My name, I conclude, is downright intriguing and interesting.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
A Fistful of Heart
Fistful of Heart is a transliteration of "Guppedu Manasu" in Telugu. In my schooldays, I wondered enormously as to how this heart, which is the size of one's fist is capable of pumping so much blood and work so much all the time. Smaller in size than the brain and the liver and other not so glamorous organs in the body, it still has so much power and even ruled the head many times or upset the entire abdominal factory that would otherwise run quite hummingly, just because the heart felt otherwise! In the small fist of a space it crowds in oceans of emotions and experiences. Can these be expressed as easily as they are felt? Many occasions it also influences the brain and its ability to think practically and more so for women. Is it a double whammy then, in the case of women the right brain and the fistful of heart both conspire to torment her? Questions are simple - answers are many and complicated. So let us not even attempt to unravel its mysteries, just experience the agonies and the ecstasies it subjects us to.
I will use this blogspace to download some of the emotions - emotions full of feeling or thinking or both! Because they are beyond words.
I will use this blogspace to download some of the emotions - emotions full of feeling or thinking or both! Because they are beyond words.
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